Save me from being confused; Show me what I'm looking for

Maybe you recognize the title of this blog entry. It's from one of my favorite songs called "Show Me What I'm Looking For" by Carolina Liar.
That song has gotten me through some rough times, and I think now is no different. The truth is, I just don't understand what's going on in this world right now.
I remember it like yesterday. It was October 5th, 2009, very early in the morning. I got ready to go to class like I normally do- nothing had changed. It was 8:30 in the morning and as I was getting onto the elevator to walk to class, my phone vibrated. I was shocked- who was texting me this early in the morning? It was my best friend Abby, and the text read simply: "Jimmy Krasley died?!?"
My heart stopped. No, he couldn't be dead. There was no way. I went onto my Facebook and there were 5 status updates that read something along the lines of RIP Jimmy and a group invitation to RIP Jim Krasley. My entire class I didn't pay attention- I was on my phone trying to figure out how this could happen, how this could be true... more importantly, why?
Everyone dies. It's a fact. But lately, it just seems overwhelming. Way too many people are dying lately. There was Jimmy, there was Tabby's mom, whom I adored, there was a grad from Freedom who I met once, there was Mrs. Dean, my Aunt Barb's mom whom I loved, and now just yesterday, a student at my high school passed away at such a young age. Why are all these people dying? Many of these people were way too young to die.
It scares me seeing so many of my friends experience heartbreak continuously because yet someone else has died. I just don't understand why all these young people in my life are going away forever. I wasn't super close to Jimmy, he wasn't like my best friend, but I had some kind of relationship to him- we hung out in Puerto Rico a lot and had so much fun. He seemed to be connected to almost everyone in my graduating class and beyond- hey, we elected him class speaker!
I think there are questions in life that will always be left unanswered. We'll never know why all these people in our lives went when they did, and for what reason. I mean, I do believe in fate- everything happens for a reason. But, I can't figure out the reason for all these sudden and tragic deaths as of late. What is the reason? Is there a reason? It sure doesn't seem like there is, unless it's just for us to live life to the fullest.
I don't want to walk away from my life without saying I truly lived it. A bunch of us after Jimmy said that although we were upset he left us so soon, we all agreed he lived his life to the fullest. It's a shame that they're all gone now. I may have not personally known some of the people I mentioned, but I know people who did. I hope that everyone just continues to live their life right now and enjoy it. Unfortunately, we only have one life to live and it's a short one. We need to live it now.
Maybe that's the reason. Maybe not. I think I'll always remain confused- you can never know all the answers. As for what I'm looking for, I honestly don't know. Right now, I'm just living my life. I have an amazing family, amazing friends- I love everyone of them, even if I get mad at them from time to time. I love Penn State and my family here. I love my sorority sisters. And honestly, I am enjoying my life. This isn't the last time I'll see someone I am/was close to pass away- it'll happen again, that's a fact. But, I think if I have one request, I'd say give it a break for a while. Just a little while please.
I think the best way to end this little note is by quoting Jimmy Krasley in his graduation speech.
"We adjust. We adapt to our surroundings or make our surroundings available for us. Either way, we have produced change... We are the sum of our experiences. We are nothing more and nothing less than the product of the changes that we have made."
My high school graduation's theme was "Be the change that you want to see in the world." Let's live our lives to that decree. I love you all very much- please don't leave me just yet. I'm not ready to say goodbye again for a long time.